MY STORY - Marilena Fallaris

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Marilena

I can finally answer that question. I am a woman, survivor, writer, speaker, wife, mother, caretaker, daughter, best friend and a human being on a journey to tell my story to heal. To heal myself and others in the world. I want you to know you are not alone. I want you to know miracles are possible. And I want you to know you have everything you need to live a life full of love, happiness, and freedom. That is me.

In a more traditional answer, I was born in Athens, Greece on January 6^th 1983 to an American mother and Greek father. At 9 months old we moved to Seattle, Washington in America. From then on I spent 9 months in America and 3 months in Greece for the summer. My best childhood memories are playing with my cousins and friends on the island of Evia. There we could be children – riding bicycles on dirt roads, swimming whenever we want, and having the freedom to hang out with our friends without the worry of cars, kidnappers, or drugs. Even now when I go I feel my inner child come alive.

It is interesting that on the island of Evia, the place where I always feel peace and free like a child, is the exact place where I healed from extreme trauma. The simple, kind and natural life there allowed space for me to slow down and deal with my Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

Rewind for a moment. You might ask, how did we get from a beautiful childhood memory to PTSD? But there is a reason I wrote it this way. 2019 was one of the worst years of my life. It started off hopeful – new job as Vice President of a growing law firm, new baby boy, and new city and apartment with my amazing husband. My father had come for 6 months to be the babysitter while we saved up for preschool and a nanny. Childcare is beyond expensive in Los Angeles. Then everything flipped – the day after my father arrived he had serious medical complications which did not allow him to care for our son. So we quickly went broke by spending all our money on childcare and caretaking for my father.

Being broke financially, which was stressful, was not the worst. My mental and physical health had severely suffered. My daily schedule entailed waking up at 5am, getting ready and making sure Emmanuel (our son) had his bag packed, then shower, get dressed, make sure my dad had breakfast, go to work where I had 37 people to oversee, then back after 6:30 pm (sometimes later), dinner for Emmanuel, dinner for father, cook and clean. My husband and I didn’t eat until 12am most nights. Then at bedtime, my father woke me up 2-3 times a night to come help him or to yell about his frustrations. 5 am the alarm sounded and the hellish cycle started again. This went from January through end of April. My father spent 8 days in the Emergency Room in Los Angeles due to his complications. When he was stronger he decided to say no to the free surgery he was offered to save his life, and he went back to Greece. Two days later, he passed away. On Greek Easter.

11 days without my son, dealing with the legal system in Greece and cremating my father in Bulgaria (not allowed in Greece) was like a crazy alternate reality. Then back to work where I worked even more hours, had more stress, and lived to work. I loved the people I worked with, but too much fell on my shoulders. I used the work to bury myself to distract from the pain that was inside. This pain was not just from 2019, but from years and years of trauma.

2020 comes around and I did something for me – I published my first book, Womenemes: And How To Eliminate Them. This was 3 weeks before COVID-19 was announced in the US. End of March 2020, my grandfather in Greece, a man who had a big chunk of my heart as he gave so much wisdom, love and laughter to our family, passed away. Now I had double the legal work to deal with as my father’s estate still had not been resolved.

About two weeks after my grandfather passed, I had daily panic attacks. At night as soon as I tried to sleep I felt I could not breathe and I jumped up gasping for air. Always around 1:30 am. 1:30 am was the time I was told that my father died and a year later I was told at the same time my grandfather passed. I was afraid to fall asleep after awaking gasping for air. I was afraid of dying.

I was afraid of dying. I want to say that again. But guess what – I wasn’t living and that didn’t scare me. I wasn’t taking care of myself or even getting to know myself. I was a robot – work, home, family care, stress about work, sleep, wake up, child care, work, home, and repeat. I was always anxious, I was snapping at my husband and son, and I was constantly worrying about the worst things that could happen. I felt my life was over and while I was miserable in my job, I couldn’t imagine a new life. I had chosen the life and I thought it was now my job to work that job, provide for family and make due with what I have. Never mind I was severely underpaid. Never mind I never set healthy boundaries and worked nonstop. Never mind I allowed myself to be demeaned. In my head, I chose that path and now I had to deal with it. Plus, how could I start over at 36?

My panic attacks and sleepless nights got so bad I was searching for a therapist. After a month, I found her. She saved my life. Literally! I was close to being hospitalized. As I was continuing to get worse, it was recommended I took time to only focus on healing. I had a lot to deal with, more than just the present stress. I had to deal with my past. Something I tried to avoid through working long hours, studying, and taking care of everyone.

Something inside me said I needed to take a leave of absence. So I did, and I went to Greece to heal. Providing myself with no distractions other than my son, eating, exercising and therapy, I was able to confront the past and truly listen to my mind, my body and my heart. I was able to confront things from my past I had locked away. It entailed me reliving trauma, crying, and getting out negative emotions. This lasted for over a year. When it was time for me to decide whether to come back or not, I strongly felt a guide within telling me I need to stay in Greece. It was better for me and my family – safety, health, love, culture and nature.

So, I quit. Nothing lined up career wise. No back up plan. Just knowing I wanted to find my own way and live a life without anxiety where joy is present in my every day. I stopped looking for jobs with companies. I realized I had more healing to do and I decided to trust what many of my mentors said – when it is time, your path will be shown. That was a big risk. I did not see my husband for a year due to factors outside our control. However, he stayed by my side and knew how important it was for me to heal. I needed to do it for me first, but also so I could be the wife he deserved and the mom my son deserved.

Two years later, as I sit and write this, I can say without a doubt I made the best decision. I made myself a priority. I put a stop to allowing others minimize me or devalue me. I am my own boss and I choose work which aligns with my passion – to heal others and help them feel free. At 39 years old, I feel I am starting to finally live life and for the first time I am hopeful and excited about the future.

I look forward to learning how I can help you and I promise to be authentic, honest and transparent about my mistakes, successes and adversities in order to show others there is a beautiful life for us all when we find out who we truly are.

Ok, some people will still want me to list my accomplishments and academic/work history. So here is a quick synopsis:

• I graduated Suma Cum Laude from the Honors Program at University of Massachusetts, Amherst
• My degree was a BA in Psychology
• My minor was in Spanish
• I graduated Magna Cum Laude from Pepperdine University School of Law
• I received my certificate in Dispute Resolution from Pepperdine University’s Strauss Institute (#1 program in the US at the time)
• I worked as an Estate Planning Attorney
• I worked as an Operational and Business Development Manager for an internal dispute resolution company
• My first book Womenemies: And How To Eliminate Them
• I was Vice President of a growing employment law firm in Los Angeles
• Now I heal through my work
• Being an author
• Weekly podcast
• Teaching ways to receive a stream of income so my clients can focus on their passions and dreams in life
• Housemaker, Mother & Wife
• Dance Teacher

While my new career path doesn’t have to do with the legal or corporate world, I can say that my experience working in those sectors has taught me so much about myself and communication. I use all the skills honed during my 20 years of working in the US in order to help myself and others.

Thanks for reading, looking forward to hearing your story…

Love,

Marilena

mother

wife

homemaker

Moments full of happiness

Created by Thanos Asfis

MY WEDDING

I was lucky enough to marry a wonderful man who is full of love, compassion and kindness. He also happens to be a very great tennis coach and a Greek (much to my family’s surprise )! Vasilis and I decided to have the wedding in Greece in a Greek Orthodox church. The day before the wedding, instead of a rehearsal dinner, we had a beach party. It included drinks, swimming, and loved ones reuniting after years of not seeing one another. The wedding ceremony was followed by a huge love fest with very delicious Greek food and lots and lots of Greek dancing, which was enjoyed not only by the Greeks, but also by all our friends and family from all over the world. We got married on perhaps the most beautiful Greek island, Skiathos! Our wedding day was one of the best days of my life as there was so much love around us. We ate and danced until the sun came up! I couldn’t ask for anything better

MY PREGNANCY

Due to life events – university, law school, calling off my engagement to college boyfriend), my pregnancy came later on in life. While I always wanted to be a mom in my twenties, based on my life circumstances and the change in what I wanted for my life, I made the decision to become a mom in my mid 30s. It was a very personal decision, which every woman and couple should make. I wanted to finish my studies, get foundation in my career, and travel. When I got pregnant, it was because we wanted to and not due to societal pressures.

During pregnancy I experienced a real miracle. Every day was special! I often received compliments on how beautiful I had become and how much I liked my big belly. I felt really happy. I didn’t stop exercising and I didn’t stop taking care of myself as I knew that for me to give unconditional love to another, I first had to give it to myself.

MY SON

My son is the best present my husband could give me – as it is from our love as husband and wife that this beautiful life was born! From the day he was born, actually even before he was born, we did nothing but think what was best for him. Of course, this doesn’t mean that we don’t take care of ourselves and don’t take personal time. After all, it is known that the happiness of children depends on the good mood and happiness of the parents. Our son was also the reason we decided to move permanently to Greece: so that he could have a high quality of life, enjoy the sun and the sea, become hospitable and respectful like the Greeks!

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Marilena Fallaris

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